he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
