i wish my penis had a tongue
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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