He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
