I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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