this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
