How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Your dad touched me again.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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