I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
