I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
