Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
