She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
