If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
