There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Ketchup is God's man juice
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
