Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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