never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Semen is not good for contacts.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
