I wish my penis had an off switch
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
