He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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