Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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