I only kidnapped one of them. chill
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
