It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like iHOP with fire
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize