I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
