if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
