so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
