Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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