The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
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you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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