just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
No subtext here. People are naked.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
