Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
