So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
