I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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