i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
