I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
