what day is it and did you see me today?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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