Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
