theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Houston, we have a squirter
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
