Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
In America we eat man semen.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
