It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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