She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
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I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
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I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I am available for nakedness
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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