I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
