I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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