ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
