maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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