Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
