The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
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