Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
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For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
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I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize