tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
