I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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