Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Where did you get a picture of my penis
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
