my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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