So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
