There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.