Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Ladies don't puke and tell
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.