He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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