Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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