i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
