if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
