I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
