Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
