Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize