btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
