i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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