i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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