She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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