I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
