When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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