why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
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